Something I thought of.

While walking home...

''Luck doesn't fall from the sky as it comes in other forms like an opportunity given - It is a matter of whether you want to take it or not.''

That was what I was thinking.

Thanz.

Well, am a Catholic but I'm not a strict follower. I don't read the bible...I don't say the rosary and much more but I do pray when I'm really down and in need of help. How funny, MANY pray to Him when they're in need of help but hardly do we say 'thank you' to Him. We get so busy with our own happiness which in turn has become selfish. We blame Him when our prayers were never answered and thus causing us to hate Him or to distance ourselves from Him. OK, enough of me preeching since usually the priest does that.

Anyway, when I was in the shower just now...I thought about it and I nearly cried. I was touched by what God had done. I was being selfish and I never really thanked Him properly. I know I have but never a proper way of thanz.

In 2004/5, I was hoping for Jarrett to get his Net back coz I missed a good friend and a week later, he popped up on Yahoo Messenger.

In 2006, I'd been hoping and praying so hard for Eric to be alive and to reply my E-mails and messages for over 9 months and he did. I wanted an answer why he hadn't replied and he did but then, when he returned...he told me he was with the SAS still...and I was suspicious about certain things and thought maybe he's married and such and had me on a game or something. I did pray to God, if Eric were to disappear, and never to reply to me, I guess in a way God was sending me a message or protecting me from being hurt by him, God didn't want me to wait for Eric and be upset while waiting for his reply. Indeed..Eric disappeared in April this year, 2007. I did yearn for him but it wasn't as bad as I was during the 9 months. During those 9 months, I kept waiting and waiting and hating God and blaming Him about why hadn't Eric replied? Asked meself whether it was worth even praying? In the end, I still continued to pray...and those prayers were answered.

In 2007, He kept me mind off Eric by being happy and looking forward to a dream which eventually came true. In fact it wasn't just one dream but two dreams and many other dreams. He made me dream of going to the Netherlands possible which I'd planned 3 years ago. I managed to meet the guy whom I have been liking so much and had fallen for him. God let me have an awesome time there too...It was really nice that God did answer my prayers about Frank...a great guy whom I adore and love and care and cherish and so much more. The man whom I will treasure. I am VERY thanzful for what God had done.

I remembered praying to God to give me the courage to let me mom know that I got the plane tix without her knowing and that she wouldn't be in a fit. Well...she wasn't : ) I also prayed to him that I would survive and finish my DCS course well. Prayed that my final transcript would be alright and it was way better than that!

Most recent, I prayed to God for getting a job...be able to find one and I did. : ) I hope I'll be liking it.

Truly, I have so many wants and dreams to happen and I live on dreams because they give me hope and happiness. Frank is my dream...my love and happiness of what God had given me. I'm taking everything one step at a time...and go with the flow...but I know there will be some downs whereby I have to face and I just hope it wouldn't be anything horrifying which would cause me to meet God so soon.

Anyway, I want to say a BIG BIG THANZ to God for answering my prayers. I'm very grateful. I remember those little things He had done. Even when Dennis didn't turn up, at least he got to let me know who are true or not being true to me. Once again, I thanz you...


Christine.

Am not alright...

You needn't have to read this. I just need a place to pour out my feelings at the moment. I wish I have a sponge friend who would absorb/listen to all my complains and worries. I don't wish to tell it to my friends nor my family...it is no use. I have to stand on my own...God gave me a brain and I have to use it well but there are always lessons to be learnt in a hard way.

There's so much to think whenever I shower and it is always the emotional point thus I usually cry whenever I shower coz water does help to wash away the tears.

I'm jobless that is my first problem on my mind. It isn't easy to look for a job which I want - cook in a kitchen of a restaurant and not a hotel. Usually finding this kind of job isn't easy to look for and must be by word of mouth only can you find one. In Singapore it is saturated and really I have to say this, it is really sad that Singapore doesn't have any good culinary schools which holds a good name. SHATEC used to be but now, it is nothing...the certificate is pointless and it has no recognition. There are too many SHATEC certificate holders out there...and truly that school's standards have dropped tremendously.

I would like to further my studies in Culinary Arts or Gastronomy but really, these good ones are all located overseas and I'm not going to dig the cash out from mom coz she has spent a lot on us. I don't like the idea of getting a loan because I never like to own anyone money...especially someone whom I do not know of. I just want to work and work and work at a place which I really like a lot and save sooooo much that I'm financially stable. Stable enough to either further my studies or to migrate to the Netherlands and find a job there at the same time.

The pressure I feel right on me...it does feel crazy, really crazy...this feeling; similar feeling when I needed Eric by my side and wondering where he was and waiting and waiting for his reply. Now, I have a boyfriend, Frank...and I miss him so much but I don't know if he loves me anymore now. He's vacationing in Prague, while he was in Prague...I noticed he was able to come online in DevArt but if a guy who misses and love his girl so much, would at least take the initiative to send her a note/E-mail to let her know how he's doing or to find out how she is. Last night, he made a mistake by coming on MSN and going off straight away, I knew he was able to go on MSN when he was in Prague. In my mind, I was thinking that maybe he blocked me or was on stealth mode.

I don't know...every girl who feels down by something and if her guy just leaves a short note asking how she is, would really brighten up her day at least for a while to show that he still cares. Sadly, I don't think Frank really loves me...I don't think he misses me or care, really. I have been crying a lot about this lately...and I'm really afraid. Well, then again, I could be wrong because I shouldn't always judge anyone or to jump to conclusion. I should be willing to understand and not let my mind think of the bad ways. I do want this relationship to work out and not be like the others before that. This relationship is so much different from the others because I got to meet him and spent time with him and so much more. I feel him...I love him so much and I adore him. I would do sooo much and sacrifice just to be with him and no matter the obstacles I have to face, I would try to be with him right at the end.

Yes, I'm a girl who lives on dreams and living by them do make me happy and live on each and every single day. Sometimes, when these obstacles which somehow would be considered a reality would just struck me in the head and thus make my dreams fade away and seem as though they will never ever come true or be feasible.

Everyone who knows me; would know what are my dreams...to be a cook...from there, I learn and develop to be a chef. I earn enough to learn Dutch and be able to work and live in the Netherlands, eventually to be able to migrate there and have a great Dutch guy who loves me, and never stop loving me. Have a family with him...and having enough earnings, I would set a cafe/a little restaurant in the Netherlands. Thatz my dream. Is it possible?

Really, to think of all those lucky rich buggers who really in my opinion do not deserve the money...such as Paris Hilton. She spends her money on clothes and everything thatz materialistic to her life. If I had that kind of money...I know, I'll be selfish but then, it is possible of how I use it...this is how I would use that kind of money: I would first invest in properties and you know those properties...you buy and you sell and you also rent some out. From there, I will definitely get income and it is never a loss thus from those earnings, I would open my own fund and give it to the poor/needy. I needn't have to use those investment money for studies because I'm already rich so I would probably be studying at the same time. Well..and if I were that rich I would be visiting my guy (in the Netherlands) very often and have a home there too. I love him so much that I would see him sooo often. Have my own restaurant too so I'll be like multi-tasking. I wouldn't live on my own vehicles or having to hire a chaffeur because I would still be travelling via public transport coz I would like to save cost and not pay road tax - in a way, I'm saving money in a good way. Bills are a headache, I know.

I do feel better after typing this out but this is just temporary. I know the effects will return once I wake up tomorrow. It is just like my poem about tears in the night.

''Sleep will follow after
Till one wakes up to feel as though it was all a dream
As the day goes further, reality slips into mind
Then once again, would one cry silently at night''

Here, if you don't know what am talking about you may want to click on this and read it. http://scribbly12.blogspot.com/2007/08/tears-in-night.html

Well, I'm going to bed...but before I do so, I must floss and brush me teeth. Nighty night.

Funny Day.

Oh the Local Chef was funny today. Every Friday, Saturday and Sunday there will be tea buffet. Soooo we had some fried stuff and I helped him to carry some of the stuff out. He was telling me this in Mandarin (but I'll state it in English), 'You don't have to worry because these food are for 'praying'.' You probably don't understand. He meant to say that not many people would eat and for some religion...they would bring the food outside and leave it for praying for their ancestors to eat in the netherworld (not the Netherlands).

It was sooo funny and he said, 'Later you will see, after the buffet is over, they would bring in the food and there would still be a lot then you will see a lot of the staff eating the food. Just like after praying...either you throw or eat the food.'

Well, hours later and after I had returned from dinner, I saw the fried food in a tray and I asked the Local Chef, 'Are those from the 'praying'?' The Local Leading Cook exclaimed, 'What for praying?! These are for me to eat!' It was sooooo funny, and then the Local Chef told me, 'See, what I said was true...'

Another funny thing...The Western Cook 3, likes to play with the wok...he likes to fry stuff using the wok...the big big flames...big big wok stoves (for the Westerners, you probably don't have it in your kitchen...) Well, there was an a la carte order for Spaghetti Beef Bolognaise and he wanted to try it out using the wok! Oh my...first time I saw someone cooking western food/spaghetti dish from the wok :P

Next funny thing...there was an a la carte order for Yee Mee, a noodle dish...wow, the two Western Cook 3s were having a great time adding the sauces in...in fact like all the salty sauces. Let me name you the sauces...dark soy sauce, light soy sauce, oyster sauce, sesame oil...hua tiao jiu and MSG. Too much of everything...WOW it was FREAKING salty! They had to re-do a new dish...well, actually the Cook 3 who was having fun with the wok, he re-did it...this time ONLY using light soy sauce and MSG...and maybe some hua tiao jiu. It was funny.

Oh what a funny day.

Lopen Op Het Water by Marco Borsato feat Sita.

In één seconde
Een zonlicht door de wolken heen

Eenzaam met jou is mooier dan
Een eeuwigheid alleen

Ik was bang om lief te hebben
En mijn hart heeft stil gestaan
Maar met jouw armen om mijn middel
Kan ik de wereld aan

Dansen op de sterren
Vier seizoenen in één nacht
Dit is één seconde
Los zijn van de zwaartekracht
Lopen op het water
Zonlicht zien voor dag en dauw
Vliegen zonder vleugels
Allemaal door jou

Jij deelt me jouw geheimen
Dat is alles wat ik horen wou

Ze waren veilig bij me
Maar ik deel ze moeiteloos met jou

Mijn gedachten en mijn dromen
Zijn alleen op jou gericht
Ik spring lachend in het diepe
Met m’n ogen dicht

Dansen op de sterren
Vier seizoenen in één nacht
Dit is één seconde
Los zijn van de zwaartekracht
Lopen op het water
Zonlicht zien voor dag en dauw
Vliegen zonder vleugels
Allemaal door jou

Hee hee hee…

Dansen op de sterren
Vier seizoenen in één nacht
Dit is één seconde
Los zijn van de zwaartekracht
Lopen op het water
Zonlicht zien voor dag en dauw
Vliegen zonder vleugels
Allemaal door jou

Eenzaam met jou is mooier
(Dansen op de sterren)
Dan in de eeuwigheid alleen
(Vier seizoenen in één nacht)
Dit is voor één seconde
Los zijn van de zwaartekracht
Ik voel me veilig bij je
(Lopen op het water)
Jouw armen om mijn middel
(Zonlicht zien voor dag en dauw)
Vliegen zonder vleugels)
Allemaal door jou

In one second
sunlight came through the clouds
One count with you is more beautiful than
an eternity alone

I was afraid to love
and my heart as stood still
But with your arms around my waist
I can take the world

Dancing on the stars,
four seasons in one night,
this is one second,
being loose from gravity

Walking on the water,
seeing sunlight before day and dew,
flying without wings
All because of you...

You reveal your secrets to me
It's everything I wanted to hear
They were safe with me, but I effortlessly share them...
with you

My thoughts and my dreams
are only focussed on you
Laughing I jump in the deep
with my eyes closed

Dancing on the stars,
four seasons in one night,
this is one second,
being loose from gravity

Walking on the water,
seeing sunlight before day and dew,
flying without wings
All because of you...

Dancing on the stars,
four seasons in one night,
this is one second,
being loose from gravity

Walking on the water,
seeing sunlight before day and dew,
flying without wings
All because of you...

One count with you is more beautiful...
than an eternity alone
This is for one second,
being loose from gravity

I feel safe with you
Your arms around my waist
Flying without wings
All because of... You...

Perhaps this could be true.

Probably this is Eric...for the reality part that is and the fantasy part, thatz me...thinking how perfect he is : ( I miss him so much. We haven't talked for 3 weeks and it has been over 1 week since i last received his E-mail. I'm beginning to think that he doesn't care and love me anymore.

(F = FANTASY, R = REALITY)

F: He'll lavish you with gifts for no particular reaon.
R: You've got him confused with Santa Claus, who's already married, anyway.

F: He'll be tall.
R: He'll say he's five-foot-ten, although you'll tower over him at five-seven.

F: He'll look at no other women.
R: He still thinks Sharon Stone, the swimsuit model in Sports Ill., and the young babysitter down the street all want to meet him.

F: You'll be in his every thought.
R: He'll spend half his life obsessing about a receding hairline; the other half rehashing the latest game on ESPN.

F: He'll be witty.
R: He'll still tell knock-knock jokes.

F: You'll share the same interests.
R: He'll cancel a romantic evening with you for a tractor pull.

F: He always walk beside you, smother you with kisses, and give you unconditional love.
R: Now you've got him confused with the family dog!

Random Stuff.

''Love is not desired by women, it is necessary. A woman is really alive when loved, and dead without love. Love is a verb; it is not something you have, it is something you do. Love your wife and she will respect you.''

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISFP)

Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/">How Rare Is Your Personality?

You Are Red Orange

You are a very genuine person, although it takes a while for you to show the true you. A bit introverted, you desire respect and affection from those close to you. You are quite empathetic, and you have a true concern for the well being of others. Many people have warm, heartfelt memories of you - even if you don't remember them well.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorredareyouquiz/">What Color Red Are You?

You Belong in Amsterdam

A little old fashioned, a little modern - you're the best of both worlds. And so is Amsterdam. Whether you want to be a squatter graffiti artist or a great novelist, Amsterdam has all that you want in Europe (in one small city).

http://www.blogthings.com/whateuropeancitydoyoubelonginquiz/">What European City Do You Belong In?

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's" Your Love Style?

You Are 58% Peaceful

In general, you think the world's a pretty great place - and you're happy to be a part of it. Sometimes you struggle with life, but who doesn't? You are quite level headed, though you have more inner angst than you'd like.

http://www.blogthings.com/howpeacefulareyouquiz/">How Peaceful Are You?

Your Life Path Number is 4

Your purpose in life is to build your vision. You are practical and responsible. You work hard, knowing that there are no shortcuts in life. You work for a better life for yourself and those you love, but you are not an idealist. Trustworthy and honest, you also demonstrate great courage. People can count on you. In love, you are a loyal and committed partner. You are the ideal spouse. You don't give up easily, and sometimes you can be too stubborn and unwilling to change. You also can be too conservative at times. You sometime miss out on good opportunities. Also remember that not everyone can work as hard as you, as disappointing as that is!

http://www.blogthings.com/whatisyourlifepathnumberquiz/">What Is Your Life Path Number?

You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need. You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law. While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top. You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

http://www.blogthings.com/wouldyoubeacoolparentquiz/">Would You Be a Cool Parent?

You Are an Iced Coffee

At your best, you are: hyper, modern, and athletic At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you're out with friends Your caffeine addiction level: medium

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofcoffeeareyouquiz/">What Kind of Coffee Are You?

You Are Strawberry Cake

Fresh, sassy, and romantic. You're a total flirt, who never would turn down a sugary treat. Occasionally you're a bit moody - but you usually stay sweet!

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofcakeareyouquiz/">What Kind of Cake Are You?